Somewhere, there are people who had to sit through this being shown on a giant screen at a sales meeting, and resisted the urge to gouge out their own eyes with a spork. My compassion for humanity reaches new highs.

131.9 cents per litre is somewhere between surf rats and shipsterns

If physicists don’t find the God Particle, create Dark Matter, reveal the nth dimension, or develop the Theory of Everything, at least the Large Hadron Collider will have resulted in the lyric “the LHC accelerates the protons and lead / and the things that it discovers will rock you in the head“. That definitely furthers human advancement - rumor has it there is a Neutrino Detector in Antartica called Ice Cube that will soon create its own rap and video, with penguins instead of fly girls.

Speaking of security - unfortunately the Playmobil Security Checkpoint is out of stock. This toy would really help any young thought-criminal become habituated to the pervasive “security apparatus” they will be growing up under the all-seeing eye of. But while the children in the overseas toy factories ramp up production of this item, you can always use the black helicopter and the police roadblock to teach budding DHS Stormtroopers how to detain miscreant Safe Crackers and take their DNA samples before throwing them in the Enemy Combatant Detention Center where they will never be heard from again.

With all the trouble in the world, it’s good to know that at least us savvy internet users won’t be bothered by potentially offensive acronyms while driving around the leafy avenues of our wholesome towns.

Well, it would be great if there were not so many other somewhat-funny ways to use licence plates to offend.